The Hogwarts Train Ride of Normalcy

Name: Idk

Bio: In-game

Bio: The sun shone brightly on Caltrop von Rittermark-Ersatz’s orangish puce hair. Despite the pasty whiteness of his extremely white white-guy skin, however, Caltrop did not notice the light, in a metaphorical plus a physical way. He was angsting. He was angsting about his middle class-ness, and the angst was hardcore. There should probably have been some kind of rain. Because he was angsting.
Caltrop turned as his supermodel girlfriend Wilhelmina drove up in his extremely middle class Bugatti. “Caltrop,” she said. “My boyfriend.”
“Yes?” said Caltrop, angstily.
“Would you like to make sweet, sweet love in the back of our extremely middle class luxury vehicle, boyfriend Caltrop?” asked Wilhelmina.
“No,” said Caltrop. “Go away, ho. I’m angsting. Angstily.” The supermodel girlfriend drove away, crying a tear. There was salt in it. And water.
Do you see the metaphor now? Because Caltrop was too busy angsting to sex with his girlfriend. Who was the light. He did not notice.
Metaphor.

Name: Albus Dumbledore

Bio:Dumbledore was born in 1881 to Percival and Kendra Dumbledore. His full name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. He was followed by a brother, Aberforth, and a sister, Ariana.

During his time as Transfiguration teacher, Dumbledore took on administrative duties, acting as Deputy Headmaster under Armando Dippet. One of his duties was to inform young wizards and witches, including Tom Riddle, they had been accepted to Hogwarts. Dumbledore learned of Riddle's behaviour problems and kept an eye on the young Riddle. Dumbledore later became Hogwart's Headmaster, and had to refuse Riddle the post of Defense Against Dark Arts teacher.

Years later, You-Know-Who gained followers, called the Death Eaters, who shared his goal of ridding the wizarding world of Muggle-borns. Dumbledore founded the Order of the Phoenix, his own army of followers dedicated to stopping You-Know-Who.

While in an interview with a potential Divination teacher, Sybil Trelawney, Dumbledore witnessed a prophesy that, before the end of July 1980, a child would be born who could defeat Lord You-Know-Who. The prophecy was vague enough, however, that it could have referred to either Harry Potter or Neville Longbottom. Severus Snape, a Death Eater, overheard part of the prophesy, and reported it to his master, You-Know-Who. You-Know-Who decided that the greatest threat to him was Harry Potter and decided to kill the Potters. Snape, who loved Lily, returned to Dumbledore and told him that You-Know-Who intended to kill the Potters. He turned spy for Dumbledore, who also forced him to swear to dedicate his life to protecting Harry Potter, as part of the price for his repentance. Dumbledore placed the Potters under the protection of the Fidelius Charm in their Godric's Hollow home.

However, You-Know-Who killed the Potters, but his attempt to kill Harry backfired, leaving him a disembodied spirit. Dumbledore used Lily's sacrifice to place a protective spell around Harry, which Dumbledore felt would protect him while he resided with his mother's family.

Ten years later, as Harry started school, You-Know-Who also began to regain his powers. He had met Hogwarts latest Defense Against Dark Arts professor, Quinius Quirrel, and inhabited his body, like a parasite. Quirrel's behavior that year raised Dumbledore's suspicions, and he instructed Snape to keep an eye on him. Quirrel had been trying to recover the Philosopher's Stone (AKA the Sorcerer's Stone) to allow You-Know-Who to achieve immortality. Snape's efforts to stop him, however, raised Harry Potter's suspicions. Thanks to numerous defenses set up by Dumbledore, Minerva McGonogall, Snape, and Rubeus Hagrid, the Stone was kept safe until Harry could retrieve it.

The next year, someone at the school re-opened the Chamber of Secrets. Many at the school came to suspect Harry, but Dumbledore didn't. This time, however, he was unable to help Harry solve the mystery. Lucius Malfoy, a Death Eather who had orchestrated the events of that year, managed to have Dumbledore suspended as Headmaster, and he was not restored until Harry defeated You-Know-Who.

In Harry's third year, Dumbledore appointed Remus Lupin, a friend of Harry's father, to be the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor. Also that year, Sirius Black escaped from Azkaban, determined to travel to Hogwarts to track down Peter Pettigrew and kill him for betraying James and Lilly Potter. Though Harry spent much of that year building up his resentment of Sirius--whom everyone else in the wizarding world believed to be a traitor--he would end up attempting to help Sirius exonerate himself, though in the end he could only help Sirius escape the Dementors of Azkaban. Dumbledore was instrumental in making sure that Harry and Hermione traveled back in time to save Sirius, and that they would be able to provide Sirius with transportation: the hippogriff Buckbeak, who had been sentenced to death for injuring Draco Malfoy.

The following year Dumbledore volunteered to have Hogwarts host the Tri-Wizard Tournament for the first time in decades. Peter Pettigrew had returned to You-Know-Who in the intervening summer and conspired with him to have Harry entered in the tournament, which they used as a trap to lure Harry into an arcane ritual in which blood would be used to resurrect You-Know-Who in corporeal form. Harry was able to escape You-Know-Who and return to Hogwarts, but Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge refused to believe You-Know-Who had returned. Dumbledore, therefore, went about re-assembling the Order of the Phoenix. Most importantly, he put Snape back on spying duty to find out what You-Know-Who was up to.

The Ministry spent much of the following year attempting to discredit Harry and Dumbledore. Fudge went over Dumbledore's head to appoint Dolores Umbridge as Defense Against Dark Arts professor, a post she used to persecute Harry and any who supported him, and kept them from learning any practical magic. Harry fought back by teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts himself, and his students dubbed themselves Dumbledore's Army. When the Ministry discovered this covert student group, they believed it to be Dumbledore's creation. When they attempted to arrest him, Dumbledore executed a fiery exit with the help of Fawkes the Phoenix, and was not seen again until the end of the year. He left orders for Snape to teach Harry occlumency, so that You-Know-Who could not use Harry to spy on the Order--a fear that had led him to distance himself from the boy all that year. Harry angered Snape by finding out why he resented his father so much, and Snape ended their lessons. This left Harry open to a trap by You-Know-Who, in which the Dark Lord planted a vision of Sirius being tortured, in order to lead Harry to the Department of Mysteries, where he hoped Harry would retrieve the prophecy concerning his birth, so that You-Know-Who could learn how to defeat him once and for all. Though Dumbledore could not stop Harry from traveling to the Ministry, Snape warned Dumbledore of where he was going, and Dumbledore arrived in time to duel with You-Know-Who, though sadly, he was unable to prevent the death of Sirius Black at the hands of his own cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. You-Know-Who escaped, though not without being seen by Fudge, who was forced to acknowledge the threat.

After keeping the secret from Harry for so long, Dumbledore finally explained that Harry would have to kill You-Know-Who.

START

~Me~

"Avada kedavra @Dumbledore"

-Caltop-

"woah," Caltorp said, catching the aveda kadabra in his right fist like some kind of badass. "Careful, grandpa might break a hip or. I dunno. Something." Coltrap roundhose kicked Me in the face as punishment for his sins. It was like hell. But also a kcik in the face.

"I call it the Kicking Curse," said Caltrop. "It's where I kick you. In the face."

~Me~

"avada* kick*"

I reveal a time bomb strapped to my chest.

"I've blown up the last two 'Ride of Normalcy' RPGs in the past. don't test me m8 i'll rek u i sware on me mum"

I sit and watch, unable to break my gaze from this incredible display of fighting. Such great magic from both parties. Then there is a bomb.
"Excuse me," I say calmly, "There are no muggle items allowed thank you very much."

~Me~

I hold up the detonator.

"Want me to get rid of it skrub"

I use a vanishing spell without a wand.
"Take that ya noob," I say as the detonator disappears.

~ Albus Dumbledore ~

"Why are we fighting so violently? As I learned from my past, there is no such need for fighting unless fighting is the stem of all life. All solutions must come of the earth, or the earth will be unhappy with our incomplete lives and toss us into the fiery roots of hell, where Snape is likely being seared from his bones. We are all unhappy with ourselves, why not change that? Why not link our souls in union and thank the great Merlin that we have such magical and perfect lives?"

~Me~

"dumldor pls"

I use a reappearing spell.

"noice job m8 10/10 would recommend"

get this thread out smh

~??????~

Uses a second vanishing spell, "U Wonna play this game? And don't yell at this old man!"

~ D0MBLERDER ~

"I expel all of u"

-Acltrop-

"Maybe ill expel you, old man! And your old man smell!" Coltpro kicked Dumb el Door through the train wall, into his girlfirend Wilhelmina's sexy lap in her sexy, middle class car, where she was still crying a tear.

Too bad for Dumbledor that he was gay.

~????????????~

I faint from seeing all the violence.

~Me~

I still have the bomb stuff but I decide to wait a few more pages since thats what happens

BOMBS AREN'T MAGIC SMH

IT'S CANON, KANE

IN EVERY ONE OF THESE I SET OFF A BOMB AND ENDED THE RPG

SMH DO U EVEN READ

NAH THX I'M STAY

-Captrol-

Ctalop knew that he was lying because he was in one where it ended with a car crash.

~?????????????????~

I wake up only to faint again at the sound of more yelling

Well there were explosions, Petrol. That much I remember, and I'm pretty sure I did it. I at least remember the airplane one.

Anyways, time to blow up!

*ignites detonator, and a piece of the inexplicably long bridge ahead of us gives way. Imminent doom is coming in a matter of pages!*

TOO EARLY